Shedding Petals, Growing Leaves

All of my life, in every season, You are still God.

I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship

(“Desert Song” — Hillsong United)

I haven’t posted in like forever, and my lovely daughter called me out today for that.

While we were talking, we got into the whole idea of me turning 20 and what growing up meant for the both of us. Turns out, she liked the idea of being seen and known as mature while I didn’t — I liked being a kid, being seen like one.

For the most part, I like the idea of being known as a kid. Kids don’t get judged and scolded a lot, plus, they get praised more for doing “big people stuff.” I’d lose all that when I acknowledge being 20 and start being the adult I’m supposed to be.

Also, I loved being God’s “needy baby.”

While walking down the street though, I saw these beautiful cherry blossom trees (I’m no botanist nor taxonomist, I call then out as I see them on TV. haha) and they were losing their cute pink fluff! The ground was littered with pink petals, and as I gazed up on the tree, I saw a pinkish green hue — the tree was losing its petals to make way for leaves.

Come to think of it, people take care of plants and adore them for their pretty flowers — for the most part, at least. But plants survive and thrive by being at the bottom of the food chain: by being the only creatures capable of producing their own food! They need their leaves, especially green ones; elementary biology would tell you that plants need chlorophyl for photosynthesis. The pretty pink petals can’t do that for the tree…

God designed that particular kind of tree to start of spring pretty in pink, and then grow leaves. Made me realize, sure, God allowed me to relish and enjoy my youth; now, it’s time for me to grow up.

Growing up doesn’t mean independence from God, I realized, it means more responsibilities and tougher choices — translation? TO SURVIVE AS AN ADULT, YOU’D NEED GOD MORE.

So what do I say to turning twenty?

Bring on the years that would allow me to see more of God’s grace, to understand more His unfailing love, and to strengthen me to serve Him better!

You make all things work together for MY good.

I was casually browsing some comic videos on YouTube, and this appeared on the Suggested Videos panel

In the middle of the video, until the end, they kept repeating:

“You make, ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR MY GOOD.” 

It’s a coverage of a concert, so there were a LOT of repeats — which, I could just hear God telling me: “You hear that son?”

Just as I was listening to it, I was reading my friend’s blog: Believing the Unbelievable, with a post titled God’s Plans vs. Mine. I won’t be copying her whole post here, and I won’t be giving much comments either. I believe her words are more than enough encouragement on how much God loves us to have anything LESS THAN PERFECT planned for us.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart; but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”-(Proverbs 19:21)

My plans are no match compared to God’s plans for me. I’m actually excited for what God has in store for me for this season of my life. He’s really a God full of surprises! He just surprised me yesterday that because of what happened,I might have to start my own clothing line already!AMAZING AND INDESCRIBABLE GOD.His right time is always perfect!Praying for it to happen if it is His will!In Jesus Name!:D All I can say is that we should not go before God, because we are nothing without Him in front of us.Don’t let God follow us, we should be the ones following Him.OUR PLANS ARE NOTHING WITHOUT GOD IN OUR HEARTS.

I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. [8] The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever—do not abandon the works of your hands.-(Psalm 138:2,8)
These words helped me a lot last night!:”>

— Louie Yao

So many things are still swirling around my head right now, some are even trying to cloud over my heart — BUT I refuse to stand down and let them overcome me. I don’t need to worry about tomorrow, my future, what it holds, and how I’m gonna get there — ALL I SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT IS HOW I CAN OBEY HIS EVERY COMMAND. He promised to bring us through, and He promised to be working in us until the day He comes back.

“God just reminded me that HE WILL NEVER EVER ABANDON ME!:) — Louie Yao”

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? … Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:27;34)

Obedience is a constant choice we have to deal with EVERYDAY; we have enough trouble struggling to obey God FULLY today to even start worrying about Tomorrow. God holds my tomorrow; He has new commands for me to follow tomorrow — I just have to take the commands a day at a time, and obey them fully through the power of His Holy Spirit.

I’ll trust Your Heart

Was reading something off Tumblr, and these words jumped at me:

Life is not easy at times and we find ourselves having a difficult time with just running through the motions but that’s okay.

This morning, well afternoon actually, I woke up with a heavy heart. I don’t really understand why, but I knew I was feeling something wrong — either emotionally or spiritually — something was just WRONG.

I tried praying, I tried seeking Him, but that downtrodden feeling of being overwhelmed by an inexplicable sadness and discontent still lingered. I did a very short and quite rushed devotion. He gave me John 16:33, the verse was familiar, so I just browsed through it and went on with my day.

Went to choir practice after, Mandarin Choir practice, still feeling heavy and unattached. We were practicing a cantata for Easter — No Greater Love, in Mandarin of course. Then we practiced some songs to be sung for the next few Sundays, and since Lent is already underway, the songs were mostly about the Cross. I sang mindlessly. My Chinese has become rusty, so I was having a hard time following the lyrics; I focused on the notes, but the way people around me sang just keeps throwing me off. I was distracted to say the least. I saw EVERYTHING that could make me go crazy and act up — all the while missing His love signals.

Got home, had dinner, and defaulted to surfing — that’s when I read a friend’s Tumblr post.

I realized, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t depressed — I was tired. Tired of the mundane, or at least of the “regular.” It was a constant up and down, a never ending cycle of being in peace and bliss and crashing into sin, disappointment and despair. I don’t think I’m moving forward — I think I’m just going through the motions.

So when I was reading my friend’s post, I just had to show her this video:

It was my go-to song when trying to encourage people who just can’t seem to find purpose in their Christian walk. So obviously, I had to listen to it again. That’s when He made me realize that I am just really tired.

The world is not where we’re supposed to be — we’re SAINTS — citizens of Heaven, consequently, aliens on earth. It’s tiring to live somewhere you’re not at home in, it’s tiring to be waiting on when you can return home, and it’s definitely tiring to be battling all the time and not always winning.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

I took a second look at the verse He gave me this morning, and I noticed the words I skipped over — Peace, Overcome the world.

I realized, all this hoopla of being discouraged and all was just my humanity acting up on the fact that I am still IN WAITING. Nothing much has changed since I posted about Waiting; I still am dealing with waiting. It was crazy of me to just write about it and forget about the things I wrote — things He told me to help me deal with waiting.

I am tired. Yes. I am starting to be discouraged. Definitely. I have no idea where I’m going, and what progress (if any) I’m making. Sure.

BUT!

All these should NEVER be enough reason for me to stop SEEKING and drawing CLOSER to Him. 

Just moments ago, I received a reply from a church mate. I emailed him last night to share with him my post on waiting, after hearing his sharing on how he’s dealing with God and waiting on Him. His reply reads:

Thanks Ivan! Encouraging post, it helps to know someone else is going through the same thing.

Yea just have to be patient. See you at church!

Yes, PATIENCE. Funny how the most fundamental and basic lesson in waiting is the lesson I forgot! Maybe I deliberately did that, I’ve always been afraid of the word — PATIENCE.

God is love, and His love is unfailing. Through His love, we are saved — and by His love, we are MORE THAN CONQUERORS. Sure, the world gets me down, I get tired, I feel crazy, BUT, I have to exercise PATIENCE. It’s all part of His plan — a plan focused on LOVE FOR ME.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

“So when you don’t understand, when you don’t see His plan, when you can’t trace His hand, TRUST HIS HEART.“

While I’m Waiting – John Waller

Though I’ve been told why I wait? My feelings are still the same, I still am tired, still in a bit of pain — BUT ultimately feeling hopeful. The Lord makes us wait, and its for our own good.

So what do we do while we wait? We’ve seen Noah and Joseph — they remained faithful while waiting. But what does being faithful mean? Simple: To keep obeying whatever we’re told. In a sense, we’re still called to serve even in our waiting.

Service is born out of love, and with His LOVE in us? It is IMPOSSIBLE to keep us from wanting to draw closer to Him — even in times of waiting.

I’m waiting, I’m waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I’m waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting I will serve You
While I’m waiting I will worship
While I’m waiting I will not faint
I’ll be running the race even while I wait

I’m waiting, I’m waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I’m waiting on You Lord
Though it’s not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting I will serve You
While I’m waiting I will worship
While I’m waiting I will not faint
I’ll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident
I’ll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I’m waiting I will serve You
While I’m waiting I will worship
While I’m waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You Lord

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting

The Saint Communes: Waiting

Being a Saint is fun. Imagine being the heir to the Kingdom of Heaven, having a direct line to the King of Kings, having authority in Jesus’ name, and being loved by Him who is LOVE himself. What joy right?

One thing about being a saint though? We are still humans. Our mortality means we fail and we fall at times — which explains the existence of prodigal saints who are finding their way back. To be human means to have imperfections, and to be imperfect, means waiting until we’re completely changed. The change, however, takes a LONG time. It may be a sure thing that we will be made perfect (Philippians 1:6), but that doesn’t change the fact that it has to take time.

I have to admit, it’s TIRING (to say the least) to be waiting. Waiting for answered prayers, waiting for directions, for guidance, etc. Patience isn’t really something our humanity came with. But when God says wait, we HAVE to wait.

Good things come to those who wait. Take Esau for example, he was impatient and chose immediate gratification over something more significant. (Here’s a post about Esau)

Who else?

I. Noah waited 600 years before God called him to do something. (Genesis 7:6) The bible says:

Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked faithfully with God. (Genesis 6:9)

So imagine, he was 600 years old when the flood came (Genesis 7:6), and he was chosen to be saved because he was seen as “righteous and blameless” — that meant HE WALKED FAITHFULLY WITH GOD FOR 600 YEARS! For 600 years he was patiently walking with God and obeying everything he was told!

LESSON 1: How dare I ask God for immediate answers and instructions, when I’ve only been waking with Him for 19 years (minus, probably, the years before I started talking)? Not to mention the fact that even with just 19 years, as compared to Noah’s 600, I don’t think I can be called “faithful” — let alone “righteous and blameless!” He’ll give me further instructions when I’m ready. God makes us wait until we’re ready.

II. Another person we could look at is Abraham.

Abraham was promised something awesome by God:

“I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you.” (Genesis 12:2)

“I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted” (Genesis 13:16)

God promised him children, and COUNTLESS children too! But God did not say when. So as we all know, he got his son when he was 100 years old! (Genesis 21:5) He had to wait till he was 100 before he was given a SON!

LESSON 2: God makes us wait to let us learn to trust in Him and have FAITH in His faithfulness. God promised Abraham to be a great nation, meaning a LOT of descendants, but he had to wait till he was a hundred before he even got one! In Genesis 15: 2-3 Abraham actually complains about not having a son. But also in that same chapter? God reassured him that He will be having children (Genesis 15:5) And what was Abraham’s response?

“Abram believed the LORD, and He credited it to him as righteousness.” (Genesis 15:6)

From then on, Abraham knew better, and up to today, we know him as “The Father of Faith.”

III. Let’s not forget Jacob.

He too was promised to blessed by God in a dream — riches and descendants. (Genesis 28: 10-15) So for that, he obviously needed a family: a wife, property, and some kids. All of which he actually got ONLY after working for his uncle for 20years (and occasionally being deceived by him too).

LESSON 3: God makes us wait for us to trust Him, that in spite of our humanity (or others’ humanity) His promises will still prevail. He is above everything, His sovereignty cannot be impeded by anything and/or anyone! Jacob had to work hard under his uncle, and even got tricked and accused, but in the end God’s promise still held true.

IV. Lastly, we can look at Joseph.

Talk about a tragic life? Joseph had it all. At 17 he saw dreams of his brothers and parents bowing to him — a vision from God prophesying his future rule in Egypt (Genesis 37: 1-11). And he only got be ruler when he was 30 years old (Genesis 41:46). Compared to Noah’s 600 years, and Abraham 100 years? 13 years seem like a short wait. However, let’s not forget that in that span of time he: was betrayed by his brothers (Gen. 37:19), sold as a slave (Gen. 37:26-28; Gen. 39:1), accused of rape (Gen. 39:6-19), thrown into jail (Gen. 39:20), and forgotten (for a short while at least: Gen. 40:23). But through all of it, God was with him and blessed him. (Gen. 39:2, 5, 20-21, 23).

LESSON 4: God makes us wait to build up our character.If Joseph were to become supreme ruler of Egypt (second only to Pharaoh) when he was 17, he’ll probably be a cocky and prideful ruler. After all, he did seem inconsiderate when he shared his dreams to his brothers. And if he were to become ruler before he was ready, he probably would not be mature enough to forgive his brothers and say:

“And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” (Gen. 45:5)

“So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.” (Gen. 45:8)

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Gen. 50:20)

In waiting, God teaches us certain things — things we can only learn through waiting; we mature with time and circumstances, God knows that.

Lesson 5: In waiting, we have to strive to be faithful. Noah walked faithfully with God while he waited (Genesis 6:9), and Joseph too, stayed righteous and faithful as he waited for God’s plans to unfold. He worked hard on the things he was entrusted with, he remained faithful to his earthly masters, and he walked closely with God that he had confidence in His power through him (this was especially evident in what he says in Genesis 40:8). As we wait, we too have to be faithful and work on what we’re commanded now, until further instructions.

As Saints, waiting is a part of our journey. These people show us some of the things we can do while we wait and insights on why God would make us wait. But invariably? WE have to make the CONSCIOUS EFFORT to be faithful as we wait — something we can only do as we stay in CONSTANT COMMUNION with HIM.