Hunger, Dating, Food, and Love

Since 2013 started, I’ve been trying to reorganize a number of things in my life, and at the top of that list is devotion/quiet time with the Lover of my soul.

I’ve heard it all (more or less … probably less) from people saying it should be done daily, every other day, once a week, twice a week, thrice a week, once a month, thrice a month, once every two weeks, etc etc etc. And I think I’ve tried most of it too — daily, weekly, and irregularly.

Back to my knees for 2013: “Lord, tell me. How often should I be doing my quiet time?”

Answer came in clear, it’s not the how often it’s the why.

I used to think of daily devotions, bible reading, praying, and allotting specific quiet times for God as spiritual disciplines. Well, they really are. But doing them as a form of religious and traditional rituals will burn you out and would not really result into anything.

When I realized that Christianity was a love relationship, devo time became something you long for — not something you HAVE to do.

Over time, I came to think of doing quiet time and devotions as me “hanging out” or “going on a date” with Jesus Himself. Sure, it got me doing my daily devotions. It got me to give a lot of thought to what I was doing. Suddenly, reading the bible and praying were not religious acts anymore — they were simply me communing with my Heavenly Father.

I love this perspective. I love the idea of being in love with Love Himself. I always emphasize that Christianity is a love relationship and not a religion mainly because of this too. However, I found a downside to all these. Seeing my quiet time as a date with God made me not so keen about doing it. The more I focus on the idea of hanging out with God, the less I actually did. My human nature kicked in, it came with whispers saying: “You know how dates are about quality and not quantity? Well, same goes for your time with God. It’s about the quality of the time you spend with Him, not how much you actually have for Him.” Sure. There is some truth to that, but it drastically decreased my desire to spend time reading His word and quieting down before Him — from daily, I reduced it to once a week.

This morning I got reminded of another aspect of spending time with God; while it is about a love relationship and spending time with God, it’s also about being nourished and fed.

While having my late lunch today, I was SO hungry that while eating I prayed in my heart saying:

“Wow, Lord! Thanks for food and the comfort it brings — actually, scratch that! Thank You for hunger and for the ability to feel it and enjoy food because of it!” 

And then it hit me. Doing daily devotions and quiet time isn’t simply for spending time with God — it is actually more for US than it is for Him! I believe He wants us to be engaged in His word and in communion with Him daily for our feeding. We are no strangers to hunger, but often we are not sensitive to how hungry our souls are.

We do not neglect to eat (for the most part at least). But only a few of us are actually eating RIGHT. Eating the right food, in the right amounts, and on right times. I have a body-builder friend and here’s a status update I got from her FB page:

When I’m on diet, I am strictly on diet mode. I control and stay away from unhealthy food. I don’t go for crash diet for it will decrease my metabolism rate. I still eat but in moderation. … I am telling you now, I will not eat any food other than my home-cooked-packed meal. What I eat during the day is almost strictly calculated in grams in terms of carbohydrates, protein and fats.

–KMACL

It’s all about knowing what to eat and when to eat. A healthy person eats regularly, something like 6 SMALL meals spaced out evenly in the day. They eat often, but they watch what they eat and moderate what goes into their bodies. Same should go for our spiritual bodies: we should eat regularly, moderate what goes into our bodies, and ensure a healthy regimen. 

It’s not about ritualistically being righteous — I AM AGAINST THAT.

It’s about feeding ourselves regularly with the right kind of food: God’s word.

We should be eating regularly: we should be doing devotions regularly.

We should be eating right: we should always feed on God’s word — NO SUBSTITUTES!

God loves us, He proved that on the cross and on so many other occasions. Spending time with Him in bible reading, quiet time, and/or devotion time, is our way of loving Him back, letting Him love us more, and growing in Him.

AND! Most importantly!

Spiritual things (though are usually similar to natural, physical, and earthly things) operate differently — YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH TIME WITH GOD, TOO MUCH COMMUNION WITH HIM, OR TOO MUCH FEEDING FROM HIM.

Idolatry: Big word, small acts.

It’s January 4 — first Friday of 2013 — and God has already warned me of my idolatrous tendencies (or habits).

Listen to the Bible from 1 Kings 11:1-13

Solomon’s Wives

11 King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. ² They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. ³ He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray.⁴ As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. ⁵ He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. ⁶ So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.

⁷ On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. ⁸ He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

⁹ The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice.¹⁰ Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command.¹¹ So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. ¹² Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. ¹³ Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

Solomon was the wisest man EVER, the Bible says so, and yet he wasn’t immune to his own humanity. Idolatry is such  a big word, no saint would wanna be labeled “idolatrous.” Yet, the smallest acts, desires, and emotional whims that we do, long for, and cherish embody the word “idolatry” fully.

I hate to admit it, and I hate to confront it even more, but I am probably the most idolatrous person I know. God knows that, and I guess that’s why early this year He’s already cautioning me about it.

That’s the hardest part. I already know it. Like Solomon, I also know of what God wants for me — not totally, but I know the generals well enough. I know of the commandment that says: “You shall have no other gods before Me.” (Exodus 20:3) I know myself well enough to know which things I do are undeniably idolatrous. And like Solomon, I have talked about holding on to God’s commands.

He exclaims this in the presence of his people in 1 Kings 8: 56-61 and says,

⁵⁶ “Praise be to the Lord, who has given rest to His people Israel just as He promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises He gave through His servant Moses.⁵⁷ May the Lord our God be with us as He was with our ancestors; may He never leave us nor forsake us. ⁵⁸ May He turn our hearts to Him, to walk in obedience to Him and keep the commands, decrees and laws He gave our ancestors.⁵⁹ And may these words of mine, which I have prayed before the Lord, be near to the Lord our God day and night, that He may uphold the cause of His servant and the cause of His people Israel according to each day’s need, ⁶⁰ so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God and that there is no other.⁶¹ And may your hearts be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by His decrees and obey His commands, as at this time.”

I’m afraid of how the future might be for me. I really am. Though I should not be, I have to admit I am. I may not be as wise as Solomon, but I am wise enough to see what He wants of me — an undivided heart. I am afraid that like Solomon, despite knowing these, I would still go my way and break His heart.

It makes me wanna put a different spin on the statement “He that is in me, is greater than he that is in the world.” Right now? I’m convicted to declare…

He that is in me is greater than he THAT IS ME.

I am my worst enemy. I bet a lot of you saints out there feel the same way. It’s not that the enemy’s lies are powerful, it’s not that they have power over us beyond what we can deal with — it’s that we have decided to listen to and cherish those lies.

The spirit is willing but the body in indeed weak. YET in all these? We have to remind ourselves that WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS THROUGH HIM WHO LOVED US .(Rom. 8:37)

By the cross, by Christ’s sacrifice, by His power, by His love, and ultimately by His grace — WE CAN OVERCOME.

I urge you saints to admit your idolatrous ways. Search within and see where you are weakest. AND COMMIT YOURSELF TO PRAYER. We have no power aside from that which is ours through Christ — and we need to tap into that power EVERY MOMENT of our lives. Do not underestimate the power of prayer, and do not discount the need for total humility and submission. In prayer, we surrender ourselves and submit to His power and call for His will to be done.

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no position to say I have totally overcome myself. Nor am I in any way better than any of you — remember, I am the prodigal saint, I have a wandering heart that strays way too often. I am talking to you as a brother who cautions and reminds you of what I have been reminded so that together we will overcome.

I guess what I’m trying to say is:

1) Idolatry is a serious issue we better deal with NOW.

2) I am battling it, and I need your prayer and support. 

Honestly, I am thankful for the reminder. Very early in the year God has already cautioned me. I pray that I can hold fast to this reminder though. I pray that His mercy and grace be ever with me as I battle it out with myself.

Just remember, saints, it’s not about being religious and ritually righteous. It’s about having a heart that seeks to love and build a relationship with our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ who came to seek and save us who were lost.

Ending 2012

Wow. 2012 is over in about 39 minutes! I’m cramming — yet again — to have this post filed under Dec 2012.

I haven’t had any time to do anything lately — Surprise. Surprise. Procrastination is still getting the best of me.

I’m really stumped right now, as far as writing goes. So, I’m going back to one of the most important reasons why I actually started this blog: to keep up a community of Saints.

If you’re reading this, then God has made it so that you are someone I am to share my life with 🙂

Here goes.

A community of Saints should keep each other accountable in prayer, so I’m dumping my prayer list on to YOU! 🙂

(For the most part? It’s just an update of how 2012 was… and what 2013 has in-store for me. :P)

2012 was quite a handful, and here’s why.

1) We (me and my loving family) have finally gone through a FULL year in Canada — January 1, 2012 to December 31, 2012! By His awesome grace, WE SURVIVED!

2) I’m finishing my Associates REAL soon!

3) I got blessed with a job!

4) Still haven’t gotten over laziness and procrastination — did not get to keep up regular posts, did not get to keep up regular quiet time, and have not been as efficient in a lot of things.

5) Getting settled in also includes a LOT of drama.

Oddly, my mind’s really blank. K. I’m blaming being sick for my incoherence. haha.

2012 was a crazy roller coaster for me, ups and downs for EVERYTHING — from my grades, to my consistency with God. In all that though, He remained faithful.

You know how you can’t really point out a lot of instances where your parents were there for you? And yet you wake up every morning and just know that they are? SAME HERE. This saint is having a hard time recalling all the times that God has seen me through throughout 2012. Yet I get this warmth in me just trying to! I just know He’s there. It’s like you rarely feel exhilarated when you breathe, right? It’s cuz oxygen is constantly around you.

Words fail me. YET AGAIN.

I guess this is why sharing (and posting in a blog like this) cannot be procrastinated so much. I remember so many times that I have a TON of things to write about, but I ignored them. Now, I’m trying to make up for all of them — and, I can’t.

It sucks.

It’s annoying to realize that I’ve robbed God of His glory way too many times this year. He’s given me so many chances to write about His amazing Grace, and there I was being lazy.

Lesson learned for 2013: PUT MORE FOCUS ON GOD.

I guess that’s just how I’ll try to be better for the next year (which comes in 20 minutes!).

SIMPLY KEEP FOCUS ON GOD.

When my emotions are all over the place … think of how Jesus can calm every storm.

When the sheer thought of the amount of work paralyzes me … think of what I can do through Christ who strengthens me.

When I become unsure of how I am with people … think of how He sees them and how we’re all connected by His cross.

When I feel lazy to blog … think of how His glory and His works are not being proclaimed.

When I feel neglected and alone … think of how He’s always there.

When I feel unappreciated and ignored … think of how He loves me so and that I am His beloved.

When my world is upside down … think of how I am not of this world.

When I’m filled with glee and bliss … think of how all this is His blessing.

When I feel like going with the world … think of how much He’s suffered to take me back into His presence.

When I feel hurt … think of how His love should comfort me and how His love should flow through me.

When temptation haunts me … think of how I am already victorious by virtue of His blood.

When I feel inadequate … think of how I am fearfully and wonderfully made in HIS image.

When everything’s just going wrong … think of how His plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future.

I can go on forever with this, and I’m sure YOU could too.

9 minutes till 2013

I pray that I will have this saintly thinking practiced more in the days to come.

I pray that YOU too will keep these in mind.

The new year is not really that big of a deal. As SAINTS, we have to be renewed DAILY and be more like Christ, our Savior and Lord, EVERYDAY.

A blessed New Year to all you Saints out there!

 

His eye is on the sparrow — His hand is upon me

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:29-31

Sparrow — Audrey Assad

While randomly watching videos on YouTube, I somehow got to watching this video — and I knew, God wanted to talk, I mean, that He’s talking.

Son, I know you know this. You know full well how much I love you, the hope you have in Me, the Joy I give, and all that stuff. However son, do not forget that these things are CONSTANT — no matter how you feel, it does not, will not, and CANNOT change the fact that I love you, I died for you, I saved you, I’m your strength, your deliverance, your perfect friend, your LOVE. It’s time to start singing again my son.

It’s the time the prodigal saint remembers he’s a SAINT. 

The Prodigal’s Prayer

Among the things I have to boast,
Your presence, I long for the most.
My God to Thee my spirit sings
Of how I’m carried on Your wings.
In pain and strife I turn to You,
Your grace and love makes all things new.
My love, my God, to You I give
And only for You will I live.

Apart from You, my heart and soul
Can never be alive and whole.

-theprodigalsaint

The Motions

With so much on my plate, my mind has been giving up on me lately. Thing is, when my mind decides it’s tired, or that it can’t do it — it actually stops working!

It’s crunch time for me as the term is quickly coming to a close; that means papers, papers, and more papers!

If you’d been following my blog, you’d notice that I am God’s needy baby — I am almost — if not totally– totally dependent on God and His provisions. That means, my grades and success in school are all products of His grace.

(Your Grace is ENOUGH; Faithful? You don’t know the half of it!; among others — I promise to sort through my posts to link here ALL the posts about how God has constantly been GRACIOUS about my academic performance. Keep in mind, grace being SOMETHING UNDESERVED.)

So for crunch time, I seek Him.

But for the past few days, I really have not been able to accomplish anything — and I mean ANYTHING!

Then I realized it’s because I’ve been too focused on working that I forgot to spend time and quiet down with God.

And so I did; AND IT WAS GREAT!

Now feeling refreshed, I tried doing school work again, but still to no avail. So I kept praying and praying… still nothing.

Then it hit me:
Am I really seeking Him and drawing near to Him? Or am I just going through the motions of “trying” to seek Him?

God is not pleased with outward forms of worship, lip-service won’t get us anywhere.

God wants His worshippers to worship in SPIRIT and in TRUTH, He has no interest in people just going through the rituals and stuff.

I’m still quite behind in my paper work, and am still very tired and all crazed up.

But I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able!

For without faith it is impossible to please God; those who seek Him must believe that He is and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him!

I will not quit, for my God is able.

So what do I plan to do now?

I’ll keep seeking and plead with God to help me put my heart in the right place.

It won’t be of any use if I were to try and exert myself in my own direction; right now, nothing is more important than drawing closer to Him .

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

How ’bout them SAINTS out there? Are you really seeking? Or are you mindlessly doing the deeds without the heart? Remember, just “going through the motions” won’t get you anywhere– especially not closer to Him.

The Motions — Matthew West

Prayer

I’ve always wanted to write about Prayer, I have a draft and everything, but never got to finishing it. Then God showed me this, apparently, He’s moved someone else to write it.

The Chief of the Least’s post about prayer strongly reflects my view of Christianity: It’s a relationship. God wants us to be in a relationship with Him, to have our status back as CHILDREN of THE MOST HIGH. He’s our loving Father waiting for us, His prodigal children, to come back to Him.

*I’ll have Bryan Daniels’ (a.k.a “The Chief of the Least”) blog linked in The Communion of Saints page soon.

**That’s sooner than I thought, here’s the linked page: Chief of the Least

Chief of the least

Your Father knows what you need before you ask him…(Matthew 6:8)

I struggle with prayer.

Conceptually and practically.

Most of those struggles are probably because I put unwarranted credence on my feelings at any given prayer moment. If I don’t feel a tangible groaning, or a burning in my chest, or goosebumps on my neck, then my prayers must have been rendered ineffective. Right? If I voice my prayer simply and without a series of major spiritual manifestations then certainly my appeals never made it past the bedroom ceiling. Right?

Wrong.

I am submitting to the awful doctrine that unless my prayer experience “feels” right to me, then God is impotent to answer them. In a twisted way, that is putting emotional subjectivism on the throne and kicking a Sovereign King off of it.

On top of this, Matthew 6:8 raises a different objection in the conscientious Christian:

God already knows what we will ask, so why…

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I’ll trust Your Heart

Was reading something off Tumblr, and these words jumped at me:

Life is not easy at times and we find ourselves having a difficult time with just running through the motions but that’s okay.

This morning, well afternoon actually, I woke up with a heavy heart. I don’t really understand why, but I knew I was feeling something wrong — either emotionally or spiritually — something was just WRONG.

I tried praying, I tried seeking Him, but that downtrodden feeling of being overwhelmed by an inexplicable sadness and discontent still lingered. I did a very short and quite rushed devotion. He gave me John 16:33, the verse was familiar, so I just browsed through it and went on with my day.

Went to choir practice after, Mandarin Choir practice, still feeling heavy and unattached. We were practicing a cantata for Easter — No Greater Love, in Mandarin of course. Then we practiced some songs to be sung for the next few Sundays, and since Lent is already underway, the songs were mostly about the Cross. I sang mindlessly. My Chinese has become rusty, so I was having a hard time following the lyrics; I focused on the notes, but the way people around me sang just keeps throwing me off. I was distracted to say the least. I saw EVERYTHING that could make me go crazy and act up — all the while missing His love signals.

Got home, had dinner, and defaulted to surfing — that’s when I read a friend’s Tumblr post.

I realized, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t depressed — I was tired. Tired of the mundane, or at least of the “regular.” It was a constant up and down, a never ending cycle of being in peace and bliss and crashing into sin, disappointment and despair. I don’t think I’m moving forward — I think I’m just going through the motions.

So when I was reading my friend’s post, I just had to show her this video:

It was my go-to song when trying to encourage people who just can’t seem to find purpose in their Christian walk. So obviously, I had to listen to it again. That’s when He made me realize that I am just really tired.

The world is not where we’re supposed to be — we’re SAINTS — citizens of Heaven, consequently, aliens on earth. It’s tiring to live somewhere you’re not at home in, it’s tiring to be waiting on when you can return home, and it’s definitely tiring to be battling all the time and not always winning.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

I took a second look at the verse He gave me this morning, and I noticed the words I skipped over — Peace, Overcome the world.

I realized, all this hoopla of being discouraged and all was just my humanity acting up on the fact that I am still IN WAITING. Nothing much has changed since I posted about Waiting; I still am dealing with waiting. It was crazy of me to just write about it and forget about the things I wrote — things He told me to help me deal with waiting.

I am tired. Yes. I am starting to be discouraged. Definitely. I have no idea where I’m going, and what progress (if any) I’m making. Sure.

BUT!

All these should NEVER be enough reason for me to stop SEEKING and drawing CLOSER to Him. 

Just moments ago, I received a reply from a church mate. I emailed him last night to share with him my post on waiting, after hearing his sharing on how he’s dealing with God and waiting on Him. His reply reads:

Thanks Ivan! Encouraging post, it helps to know someone else is going through the same thing.

Yea just have to be patient. See you at church!

Yes, PATIENCE. Funny how the most fundamental and basic lesson in waiting is the lesson I forgot! Maybe I deliberately did that, I’ve always been afraid of the word — PATIENCE.

God is love, and His love is unfailing. Through His love, we are saved — and by His love, we are MORE THAN CONQUERORS. Sure, the world gets me down, I get tired, I feel crazy, BUT, I have to exercise PATIENCE. It’s all part of His plan — a plan focused on LOVE FOR ME.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

“So when you don’t understand, when you don’t see His plan, when you can’t trace His hand, TRUST HIS HEART.“

God’s Chisel Remastered — the Skit Guys

“All I’m saying is, most of My children, when it comes to this process they just want to talk but they don’t wanna do the work. So do you wanna talk, or can I chisel? — because ultimately? You, and other people, need to see My Son.”

It’s one of THOSE days.

These were the words I saw on Facebook the moment I went online:

it’s those “I want to lock myself in my room” days

It’s by a friend, I don’t think I have the authority to share what she’s going through, but one thing’s for sure — she’s not the only one.

I can’t tell you what she’s dealing with, but I know one thing: it’s one of those things that you just don’t want to face. Locking yourself up in your room sounds really, REALLY tempting.

I’ve had my share of things I don’t want to deal with, not that I can’t, I just don’t THINK I can. God promised us victory in Jesus Christ — victory from everything! By His love, we are more than conquerors. But sometimes things just SEEM to be bigger than us, it’s easy to forget how BIGGER our God is.

It got me thinking, maybe it actually is the right thing to do — TO LOCK YOURSELF UP IN YOUR ROOM.

Our power, our strength, and our victory comes from Jesus Christ. We are useless on our own, only through Him are we capable of great things — only through Him can we win over our sinful nature. So to win this battle, we have to be ON OUR KNEES.  Jesus said:

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6:6)

We are SAINTS; when saints lock themselves up in their rooms, it’s to seclude themselves from the world — from all its distractions — and focus on God, on Him alone. In solitude and silence, we focus on Him, seek Him solely. The world is a noisy place, everyone has their own opinion; in moments of anguish, it’s often overwhelming to deal with a lot of voices.

Yes, we should lock ourselves up in our rooms — spend time in solitude praying and communing with God. He won’t leave us nor forsake us, He will always be there. He’s always ready to console, to guide, and to give answers — but it’s hard to listen to Him when we’re distracted by the world.

I’ve had the song “We Are United” on replay on my iPod, and this line always sticks out: “We fight our battles on our knees.” At first, I really liked that — until today. Now? I say “We WIN our battles on our knees.”

Go ahead, go to your room, and pray. He’s just waiting for you to come away and spend time with Him.

“He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God'” Psalms 46:10

Still — Hillsongs United