When the Father speaks

Son,

No. I am not happy. Yes, you have sinned against Me. And no, I wasn’t referring to all the laws and commands you’ve broken. I’m referring to you breaking My heart.

I have been with you all these years. I know what you know, not just because I am God, but because I taught you everything you know. I stood by you and sat beside you as you learned everything you know about Me, My word, and My creation. And yes, I am fully aware that all these are not new to you. But son, if anything, we both know you are stubborn. You can know things and still not know them.

Son, I am not happy because you have forsaken Me.

No, I do not care about all your sins. I do not care about them as much as I care about how you and I are.

Son, I am your Father. I do not need your service, I do not need your religious acts, I do not need your righteousness, and I definitely do not need your time. No, son, I only want your love.

I do not care about how much time you spend serving Me. I do not care about how much you know about Me. I do not care about how many songs you can sing for me. I do not care about how many days and hours you give up for Me. I do not care how much luxuries you lose because of following Me. I do not care about how you love Me, I just want you to.

Son, it’s not about working for Me, knowing Me, spending time with Me, and not even serving Me — IT’S ABOUT BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. 

No, you DON’T get it.

I do not want you focused on distancing yourself from the world — I want you focused on drawing closer to ME.

I do not want you focused on how much time you spend with Me and how you spend it — I want you focused on wanting to spend time with Me and actually doing so.

I do not want you focused on how you are to overcome your lusts and weaknesses — I want you focused on how much I love you, how powerful that love is, and how free you are just because I am your Father.

I do not want you focused on building relationships with My other children — I want you focused on how I make relationships for My glory and for your good. 

No, son, I do not want another worshiper to give me lip-service and shower Me with offerings. I want a son who loves Me and does all that out of love.

I’ve given you this statement months back: Ministry is simply the overflow of your love relationship with Me. It is never an end goal in itself. 

What happened to the “Ivan” who took note of that and posted it a few times on the internet?

What happened to the son of mine who wrote down “True humility is not about self-pity — it’s about SIMPLY ACCEPTING what He says and sees in you” after hearing it on the radio?

You’re called the prodigal saint for a reason. Because you have experienced firsthand what MY love feels like. I go running to embrace you EVERY single TIME you come back to Me. I shower you with kisses and hugs every time you come back up from the pig pens. I reinstate you every time you forget your status as MY SON. I give you authority and clothe you with My righteousness every time you forget that I have done it all on the cross. I give you everything that is Mine every time you lose all that you thought you had.

I, My son, am your Alpha and Omega — I am your Dad.

AND. I love you.

Love,

Your Heavenly Father

I’ll trust Your Heart

Was reading something off Tumblr, and these words jumped at me:

Life is not easy at times and we find ourselves having a difficult time with just running through the motions but that’s okay.

This morning, well afternoon actually, I woke up with a heavy heart. I don’t really understand why, but I knew I was feeling something wrong — either emotionally or spiritually — something was just WRONG.

I tried praying, I tried seeking Him, but that downtrodden feeling of being overwhelmed by an inexplicable sadness and discontent still lingered. I did a very short and quite rushed devotion. He gave me John 16:33, the verse was familiar, so I just browsed through it and went on with my day.

Went to choir practice after, Mandarin Choir practice, still feeling heavy and unattached. We were practicing a cantata for Easter — No Greater Love, in Mandarin of course. Then we practiced some songs to be sung for the next few Sundays, and since Lent is already underway, the songs were mostly about the Cross. I sang mindlessly. My Chinese has become rusty, so I was having a hard time following the lyrics; I focused on the notes, but the way people around me sang just keeps throwing me off. I was distracted to say the least. I saw EVERYTHING that could make me go crazy and act up — all the while missing His love signals.

Got home, had dinner, and defaulted to surfing — that’s when I read a friend’s Tumblr post.

I realized, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t depressed — I was tired. Tired of the mundane, or at least of the “regular.” It was a constant up and down, a never ending cycle of being in peace and bliss and crashing into sin, disappointment and despair. I don’t think I’m moving forward — I think I’m just going through the motions.

So when I was reading my friend’s post, I just had to show her this video:

It was my go-to song when trying to encourage people who just can’t seem to find purpose in their Christian walk. So obviously, I had to listen to it again. That’s when He made me realize that I am just really tired.

The world is not where we’re supposed to be — we’re SAINTS — citizens of Heaven, consequently, aliens on earth. It’s tiring to live somewhere you’re not at home in, it’s tiring to be waiting on when you can return home, and it’s definitely tiring to be battling all the time and not always winning.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

I took a second look at the verse He gave me this morning, and I noticed the words I skipped over — Peace, Overcome the world.

I realized, all this hoopla of being discouraged and all was just my humanity acting up on the fact that I am still IN WAITING. Nothing much has changed since I posted about Waiting; I still am dealing with waiting. It was crazy of me to just write about it and forget about the things I wrote — things He told me to help me deal with waiting.

I am tired. Yes. I am starting to be discouraged. Definitely. I have no idea where I’m going, and what progress (if any) I’m making. Sure.

BUT!

All these should NEVER be enough reason for me to stop SEEKING and drawing CLOSER to Him. 

Just moments ago, I received a reply from a church mate. I emailed him last night to share with him my post on waiting, after hearing his sharing on how he’s dealing with God and waiting on Him. His reply reads:

Thanks Ivan! Encouraging post, it helps to know someone else is going through the same thing.

Yea just have to be patient. See you at church!

Yes, PATIENCE. Funny how the most fundamental and basic lesson in waiting is the lesson I forgot! Maybe I deliberately did that, I’ve always been afraid of the word — PATIENCE.

God is love, and His love is unfailing. Through His love, we are saved — and by His love, we are MORE THAN CONQUERORS. Sure, the world gets me down, I get tired, I feel crazy, BUT, I have to exercise PATIENCE. It’s all part of His plan — a plan focused on LOVE FOR ME.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

“So when you don’t understand, when you don’t see His plan, when you can’t trace His hand, TRUST HIS HEART.“

Saintly Identity

“Lord, remind me again and again WHO I NOW AM.”

Remind Me Who I Am (Jason Gray)

I just realized, I’ve been overplaying the “prodigal” part of my being a prodigal saint. What happened to the “saint” part?

Today, God reminded me saying:

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be my Child? The prodigal son only had to come home once — and that’s because he only left home ONCE. Didn’t you know that if anyone is in Me, he is a NEW creation. The old has gone, the new has come. Son, you’re not who you were anymore. You’re mine now. You’ve come home now. Start living as My son. You have to stop living like the wandering lost kid that you were, you’re back with Me now.”

Sure, I’ve made the choice to follow Him. I’ve always been saying that I would be letting go, that I would be obeying Him. But I realized, I haven’t been acting out what I’ve been saying. I feel so stupid right now. Imagine living in my Dad’s mansion and still acting like that homeless fool who left home years ago!

Nothing else matters if I lose my Christ-centered identity — I am nothing if not His son. My status as his beloved saint is what I should be holding onto now.

You only have to let go of the world ONCE and follow Him.

However, the choice to obey His every command, still has to be done daily. The prodigal son only had to make the choice of coming home ONCE; after that, he lived as a son in his father’s house — and we all know what living with our parents entail.

So to all you saints out there, make the CHOICE of coming back to the Father. He’ll take it from there. 🙂 His love is far greater than all our worries and doubts combined, and that’s all we have to hold on to.